Don't stop to squeeze...

I am pretty stoked about having a place to ramble and humiliate myself, and even more so the idea of someone reading it, we'll start with a bang:

This morning I took some sort of herbal (say the h, its more fun) colon cleanse that my wife purchased. The results were startling, explosive to say the least. It took a good while to get cleaned up after the first go. Later that day I noticed some gaseousness, tried to supress (feared the shart) and failed (fear legitimized) so I waddled, ass clenched to the nearest toilet only to discover everything (most importantly my pants) was with out soil. Cool, but how could this be...you see after my first excretion I had to arduously work to clean up and some how left about nine to fifteen squares of Charmin Ultra Soft in my crack, coincidently saving my pants from the poop. Praise be. No, I don't have an exceptionally large butt, so as to lose this wad of poopy paper, one must conclude it was divine intervention...